Ruth Gibbins is remembering her late brother Liam Payne more than a year after his death.

On Thursday (April 16), Gibbins marked 18 months since her younger brother passed away at the age of 31 with a heartbreaking message shared to her Instagram Stories, per People.

"18 months without you, it feels impossible to be a sentence, yet here we are," she said. "Healing is such a tricky thing to navigate. I can't return to who I was before, because grief has changed my outlook that I could never be that person again, but then I get sad Liam will never know me who appeared after his death."

She continued, "And then the main part of me is so homesick to go back to my before life, if it was an option giving to me between that life or solve all the problems in the world forever, id always choose to go back to my life where my brother existed. Liam taught me so much in life, but he didn't teach me how to live without him and thats a lesson im really struggling to get to grips with."

Gibbins also penned a note directly to her brother admitting that she always feels him near her but "especially in the last couple of weeks."

"I miss you more than my heart can handle, you should be here with us," she said. "I know you're willing us to live, I hope you can see all we're doing in your spirit."

She paired her letter with a poignant poem by Sara Rian about the grief of always wanting to talk to a loved one and the white lie you tell yourself to get through each day.

Payne died October 16, 2024, after falling from a hotel balcony in Buenos Aires, Argentina. After sharing their initial tributes to their "brother" at the time, his One Direction bandmates have opened up about his death in recent months, from Louis Tomlinson reflecting on the "impossibly difficult" loss and Harry Styles admitting he "struggled" with the news to Niall Horan channeling his grief into a song on his upcoming album.

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